Thursday, June 28, 2007

#2: Pasta, Gender, and two Latin terms

Indigo late for her lunch date with the Devil. The card he had left her said 12:30, and it was very distinctly 12:45.

When she reached the restaurant she wasn't quite sure what to say.

"Sorry Ma'am. Did you have a reservation?" The little man had a pencil mustache and a grating accent.

Don't call me Ma'am, she thought. On an impulse she said "Yes, reservation for Lucifer."

The little man looked at his little book and then back to Indigo. "Yes, your friend is waiting for you."

"Has he been here long?"

The little man's eyebrows rose half-way up his forehead. "Yes, SHE has been here for about fifteen minutes." He scrunched his nose at her in disdain. "Your table is this way. Please follow me."

Indigo couldn't help but stick out her tongue at the man's back.

She? Indigo wondered. What's going on? Why did Lucifer send someone else?

The little man seated Indigo at a table in front of a big bay window that over looked the park. And already seated at that table was an immensely beautiful woman with long chestnut hair. And black eyes.

Numbly Indigo sat down, scraping the chair legs on the floor as she scooched up to the table. "Lucifer?" she almost whispered. "Are you Lucifer?"

In response the woman gave Indigo the wicked toothy smile that had already become familiar.

"You're a woman?"

Lucifer laughed, a musical honey-toned laugh. "No, I don't have gender actually. You see," she said leaning in, "I wear my physical body the way you wear clothes. Only I don't buy it at Sax Fifth Avenue." She winked and leaned back in her chair.

Indigo considered, "So if you don't actually have gender... do you have sex?"

"Is that an offer?" Lucifer tilted her head seductively, smiling still.

Indigo jerked back, alarmed. "No! Ah," she paused not able to grab the right words from the air, "No."

Lucifer pouted prettily. "Well, that's too bad. But yes, I do have sex. I enjoy sex."

At this moment the waiter appeared to take their order. Either he had a speech impediment or Lucifer's beauty was melting his little brain, but he eventually managed to write everything down and stumble away.

"So when you have sex, do you have sex as a man, or as a woman?" Indigo leaned forward, curious.

"Mmmm..." Lucifer tapped her lips with her index finger. The nail was a dark glossy red, the color of blood. "The depends. As you might guess, I like power." She leaned back in her chair, resting one elbow and staring vaguely out the window. "When I am with a woman, I prefer to be a man. However with men-"

"Wait," interrupted Indigo, "you're bisexual?"

Lucifer rolled her eyes, and glanced at the ceiling before fixing Indigo with a dead stare. "Didn't we just go over this? I do not have gender. If I do not have gender how can I have sexual orientation?" She paused, waiting. When Indigo shrugged in confusion, Lucifer continued. "With men, again, I generally prefer to be a man. The exception to that is when I play dominance and submission games, then I am always a woman."

"You're a bisexual dominatrix?" Indigo had a smirk on her face. "The Devil is a bisexual dominatrix." She couldn't help it, she let out a burst of raucous laughter that caused several other patrons to turn and glare.

Rolling her eyes again, Lucifer said "Clearly your limited intellect cannot conceive of lack of gender. But yes," she continued, now with a smug smile, "I have been a dominatrix. I was a professional dominatrix for several years."

Indigo's mirth had subsided, "Why? You don't have a use for money, do you?"

Lucifer shrugged daintily. "No, I was just bored. Nothing new under the sun. It all gets old pretty quick."

"So, why are you a man with men."

"Ah," Lucifer, "because men are better at fellatio."

Indigo's eyes widened. Then she sat back in her chair and squeezed her eyes shut, as if that could erase what she'd just heard. "I'm going to pretend I didn't hear you say that."

Lucifer laughed her musical laugh again. "You're surprised?" She chuckled then, a low silky rumble. "You're alluringly innocent when you blush like that."

Indigo still hadn't opened her eyes. "Men... give better blow jobs."

"Yes," responded Lucifer with mirth in her voice, "and also, our lunch has arrived."

Indigo opened her eyes to see the stammering waiter from before, standing at their table, gulping manically like a fish out of water. Indigo's blush deepened. At the moment, if Lucifer had not taken the plates from the young man's quivering hands, the food would have fallen to the floor.

"Thank you," smiled Lucifer sweetly, "that'll be all for now." And the waiter practically ran away.

"Why?" Indigo seemed to be unaware of her food.

Lucifer began twirling her pasta with a spoon and fork, preparing the perfect bite. "Why are men better at fellatio?"

Indigo nodded.

"Because," Lucifer began, "they are more familiar with the equipment." She brought the fork of pasta to her mouth and she suggestively took a bite. After chewing thoughtfully for a moment, she continued, "It's like owning a car versus occasionally renting a car. Sure, you can learn how to drive just renting a car, maybe even get fairly proficient. But," she leaned in dropping her voice slightly, "you don't have as much experience as the person who drives their car every day, who takes it off-roading occasionally, and who can tune his own engine. Women," she said leaning back to prepare another bite, "never even get under the hood." She took her bite and, again chewing thoughtfully, said, "Women, by the same token, are much better at cunnilingus." She rolled her eyes. "Most men are dreadful."

Indigo cleared her throat, but thought better of it, and began intently eating her pasta. "I've been meaning to ask you," said Indigo, "why did you ask me to lunch?" She fixed Lucifer with a forceful look, "Last night you claimed you weren't after my soul."

Lucifer shrugged and kept working at her food. "Like I said, boredom. Solomon was right you know, not a thing new under the sun. All of it just variations on old themes. But not to you," Lucifer looked up, her face serious now, "it's all new to you."

"You want to vicariously experience the world through me?"

Lucifer shrugged. "That's one way to think about it. You can be shocked, beguiled, excited, frightened, and delighted. Mostly, you just amuse me."

"So I'm your new play thing, is that it? And if I don't want to play?"

Lucifer grinned, that wicked toothy grin. "I can make your life a living Hell." She winked.

"Yes, but for now, you're just buying me lunch." Said Indigo, seemly unruffled.

"Yes," said Lucifer, wine glass in hand, slumped in her chair, "for now."

"Well," said Indigo, raising her own wine glass, "cheers to that." And they clinked glasses.